i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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