I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
