my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
