her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
