One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize