Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
