mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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