billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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