how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
