he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
