I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
