he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize