we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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