All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
