He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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