Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize