Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
