I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
