There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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