did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
