We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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