Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize