At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
