this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
