Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
