K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
