the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
