I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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