Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
