Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize
