wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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