As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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