either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize