um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We had to coat check the pizza.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
