So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
