i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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