I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
