Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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