What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
