I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
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