I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize