I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
