Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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