STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
