her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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