What tipped you off? The sombrero?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
