He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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