Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
