The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
