also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
