And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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