I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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