he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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