I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
