First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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