So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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