he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
