Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
