i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
