captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
