but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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