wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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