I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
