I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just made my gag reflex go away.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My penis needs a shock collar
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
