Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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