I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just found puke in my bra..
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize