no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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