I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
