So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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