After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
