Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
