A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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