this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
