The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
As shirtless as possible
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
